I've become soooo numb!

Yes it’s really hard to write this stuff but at this point I'm so much depressed that I need some space to unwind myself. When you come to a place with so much expectations and even when you see all your expectations coming true, it real hard to say, “This is not the place I was looking for”. And at this time, I must realize that the real beauty of the place is not defined by the facilities or infrastructure but by the people who dwell there. It’s me who was so excited to come to a place where I can employ my abilities to learn new skills, later found that the world is not that beautiful as it was looking and now my opinions for this place is completely different from what I’ve written in my first and second blogs. A fair competition is always good among students to make them more active, learn, gain more and more knowledge and perform well in their studies but what if no no I can't say anything more.................

But soon I realized, that it is just a start, I’ had lost my interest in studies, I needed help, but it is not that if you had been helping others, you should expect any helping hand, OK, I agree to cope with it but at least it should be clear, but...…

I came here with a pure pursuit to learn, I was talking to everyone, thinning not to have a herd mentality, but I was taken for granted. Now situation in the campus is such that students are quarreling like child, no maturity at all and even for a small matter like nothing, they are complaining in administration, and when it happened to a student which has been helping all the students in clearing their doubts, it was really shameful. And at this time, when there must be full-throttle study for coming Quiz week and MGPT we are intertwined to solve such silly problems. So I can see a big difference between the study environments we had here for the first month and what we have now.

Study schedule is out of track and with dying spirits it gonna be real tough to perform well in the exam, don't know where to start but only thing I know is that if I didn't perform well, I won't b able to forgive myself for the rest of the course, as even I have cleared 9 MGPAs i still not able to forget failure in 2nd one and not able to forgive myself for that. But even if I want to do my best, I can't do much but to wait and watch, what happens in the MGPT, but my further efforts will be strongly affected by that. With such a Kaleidoscopic state of mind, in my dreams I'm dying all the time.....